R.A.I.N.

Some practices are for the cushion. This one is for the parking lot, the kitchen, the moment before you send the text you'll regret.

R.A.I.N. is a four-step way of meeting a difficult feeling. It was developed by meditation teacher Michele McDonald and made widely known by psychologist Tara Brach. I teach it often because it's short enough to remember when you need it most, and it doesn't ask you to feel any differently than you do.

Here it is.

R — Recognize

Name what's here. Anger. Dread. That tight thing in my chest. Just the noticing, in plain words, as if you were pointing at weather.

This sounds too simple to matter. It isn't. The moment you recognize a feeling, you're no longer entirely inside it. There's a small distance now, and a little room to breathe.

A — Allow

Let it be here. Not forever. Just for now.

This is the step most of us skip. We recognize the feeling and immediately start pushing: I shouldn't feel this. Make it stop. Allowing means setting that down. You might say, quietly, "This belongs." Or "It's okay, this is here." The feeling doesn't have to be pleasant to be permitted.

I — Investigate

Get curious, gently. Where does this live in your body? What does it want? What is it believing right now?

Investigate with kindness, the way you'd check on a child who's crying. Not why are you like this, but what's going on, sweetheart? If the feeling has a story attached, you might notice the story without arguing with it.

N — Nurture

Offer yourself what you'd offer someone you love. A hand on the heart. A breath. A few words: I'm here. You're okay. This is hard and you're not alone.

Tara Brach calls this step Nurture. Michele McDonald's original version called it Non-identify, meaning: you are not this feeling. Both are true. I usually teach Nurture first, because most of the people I sit with need more warmth before they need more distance.

After the rain

When you've moved through the four steps, take a moment to notice what's different. Sometimes the feeling is smaller. Sometimes it isn't, but you're standing somewhere new in relation to it.

That's the practice. It takes two minutes, or twenty, and it gets easier the more you do it.

If you'd like to practice with guidance, there's a version of this in the Dharma Wellness App. And if you find the same storm keeps rolling in, that's worth talking about. I'm here when you're ready.